Praising God in the storm

I remembered a year ago, I was at the lowest point of my life..

I banged my head anywhere I could,
I punched anything that's hard enough,
I pinched myself when I couldnt do both,
and I asked myself,
"Why am I even alive?"

I overdosed on medication,
I sufficated myself on my pillow,
I screamed my lungs out,
and I asked myself,
"Why am I not dead?"

All these while,
You were with me.
My Faithful Shepherd,
looking at this little black sheep
tossing and turning,
struggling to move away from Your nail pierced hands,
while trying to get myself into danger.

All these while,
You were by my side.
My Faithful Friend,
watching me hurt myself,
catching my every tear,
and loving me,
keeping me safe,
giving me attention
even when I refused to bow to You
in total surrender.

Yet, all these while,
You never gave up on me.

Thank You.

Thank You for teaching me the real meaning of
"In all things give thanks".

Thank You for granting me a great friend.

Thank You for sending help when I needed it.

The world will never understand how much help You have given me,
my own family doesnt understand why I honour You so much,
my colleagues thinks I am too stubborn in faith,
my friends laughed when I was displeased with how they treated You with disrespect.

But I dont care how they think,
because those awful nights,
they are not the ones with me,

You are,
and for that,
I will only listen to You.

Come what may Lord,
I will praise You in the storm..

Not gonna be a pew warmer.. Nah-uh..

Not gonna waste my time,
breaks my heart every single day to see
"Christians" living their life :/...

Not gonna look at others,
Lord,
Search me, create in me a new Spirit,

I ONLY want to live for YOU!

To the "fat" and "Ugly"...

I used to always think I would never be able to find any guy who will love me for who I am.

I believed in the lies sold by movies, television, commercials...

I believed in MTVS, songs written by "great talent" describing their love for sexy, hot babes.

Yet, I overlooked one fact.

There is one God, THE ONLY GOD,

who is SO IN LOVE with me,

that He died for me,
and rose again,
and NOW,

He is waiting for me.

You are precious,
You are His,
You are Beautiful.

Thank you Jesus.. For loving me when no one else would...

Cutting it off...

Mummy had to go for an opt to saw off the bone jutting out from the side of her toe, I am not too sure if it's call bunyon.. But it was quite serious, coz it causes her a lot of pain as she's walking. While she chose to compromise the way she walked, it caused her knees to be in pain.. So therefore, this opt has to be done to ensure her that she will be walking with greater comfort as she graciously aged.

The opt was simple. She was awaken sometimes by the noises of the saw they use (they only numb the lower part of the body). Anyway, what happen was that because her big toe would be shorter, the opt also consist of shortening the other toes, so that she could balance when she recover.

While I see mummy feeling weary because of the med, I was reminded of what Jesus said,

"If your right eye casuses you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you: for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. "

~Matthew 5:29,30~

Indeed, parts of me had been chopped, torn and blast away. Thereafter, new parts were gently molded as the Holy Spirit continues to grant me more comfort as I mature my faith in God.

I am happy mummy has seen the changes in me..

Today I helped her shower, and I was reminded of the times, one of the few times she showered me and how much I enjoyed it. Mummy was always busy, most of the times she's not at home. And when she's at home, she was either quarelling with dad, or supervising my sisters doing household chores. Times spent alone, caregiving times were few.

If someone have to try and figure out why I am such a "sticky" friend, well, I am sorry I give you the "sticky" feeling. Had a lousy childhood, but hey, all things turned out well, coz I am in God's hands.

And I dont know how many spiritual operations i still need to do, but Lord, come what may.

Are you hurt?

To you who might be hurting now,
be it after an event that happened yesterday,
or a year.

Healing will not come from the explained,
it comes from the One up above.

Healing will not come from the one who hurt you,
but from the the One who was nailed on the cross.

Healing will not come from the one who was your friend,
but from the One who never left.

Knowledge doesn't heal you,
Self righteousness doesn't heal you,
Right relationship plus a right living does.

God bless...